Monday, June 21, 2010

Happy Birthday Kegan

Our baby boy would be 3 years old! It's amazing how fast time goes. A lot has happened since he was born and I don't think there has been a day where I haven't thought of Kegan.
Brady's favorite cake is confetti cake with rainbow chip frosting. We decided that we would make this cake every year for his birthday. We plan to celebrate this day with our children hoping to make it a happy memory. This year we didn't do much. I attempted to go to the temple but it was closed for cleaning. We spent the day together fixing things around the house and talking about our memories of him. We went to Chili's for a late lunch/early dinner and then came home and relaxed as a family. Brady and I also watched a movie together without any distractions (which is extremely rare)! I am grateful to be Kegan's mother. I am so thankful for the short time that I was able to be with h
im. I feel that I did everything I could to give him the opportunity to have a life here on Earth. Heavenly Father had a different plan for him. Kegan is perfect and I am so proud of him.

Watching a movie
I am not sure how many people know the story of our little Kegan. I tried to make it short but I think I added in more details just for me. It's really long so don't feel like you have to read it.
I got pregnant at the beginning of the year. I had been having stomach pains that I didn't think we're normal. I was in my first trimester and was a little worried so I went to see my midwife (because I thought it might be pregnancy related). She said it was probably just stretching of the muscles and ligaments and sent me home. Through the next several weeks I was unable to sit comfortably in the car, wear a seat belt, wear anything that touched my stomach or lay down flat. I wanted to go to the doctor but I've been told my whole life that I over exaggerate pain so I talked myself out of it. One night I ended up sleeping on the couch because I couldn't get comfortable in bed. I woke up the next morning soaked in sweat, in excruciating pain, and vomiting non stop. Brady rushed me to the hospital. After 6 hours of no pain medication, constant poking, several ultrasounds (this is when we found out we were having a boy), and tests the doctors finally decided that we needed to go in for exploratory surgery. They had an idea that it was my appendix since they couldn't see it on the ultrasound but they were not for sure. Surgery went well and they were surprised with what they saw. The surgeon told us that it was for sure my appendix but they didn't know if it had ruptured or been leaking. He said by the amount of infection and drainage it had been leaking for a while. Recovery was going well and I was supposed to be in the hospital for 2 weeks.

Exactly 1 week after surgery my water broke. At that point several nurses came in, I was put on bed rest, and was told to not eat anything (in case of surgery). The doctor came in and said he bluntly told us the possible outcomes. We decided to schedule an ultrasound in the morning to make sure it was my water that had broke. During the ultrasound they discovered that my water had indeed broke and that our boy was breech. After a day of frustration all the doctors sent me home. They told us to come back in a week for another ultrasound to see if my membranes had fixed themselves. Unfortunately, they had not and we were referred to a specialist. At that point we were told that if our boy did not get the amniotic fluid that he needs he would have a 5% chance of living once he's born and that we would have to deliver him through c-section. The next several weeks were awful. I stayed in bed hoping and praying for a miracle. Around 24 weeks I went into the hospital because I had some mild cramping. I happened to be in labor and dilated to 3 cm. They rushed me into a room and stopped the contractions. I was put on bed rest once again and told that I would be in the hospital for the rest of the pregnancy. During the stay I was informed that they would not be able to give me the medication to stop the labor again and they would only try to keep him alive if I made it to 26 weeks. Two days after I made it to 26 weeks I went into labor again. The doctors did end up giving me the medication to try and stop the labor but it did not work this time. They rushed me into surgery and our boy was born. 1.5 pounds, 12 inches long, and brown hair. They showed him to me and then started CPR (I guess his heart stopped). Once his heart was beating they took him to NICU. Brady went with him and then I was sent into recovery. The day was long, exhausting, and emotional. He was doing good until the ventilator blew a hole in his lung. The doctor did surgery and fixed it but his oxygen saturation was consistently dropping. At about 45% we had the option of continuing the ventilation or taking him off. The doctor said he had no chance of living either way. So we decided to take him off and hold him. It was the worst and best moment that I have ever had to live through. It was the first and last time that I was able to hold my little boy until we meet again.

Brady said that he was moving his little legs and arms. He even opened his little eyes a few times. Crazy enough, our camera battery had died and we were only able to get one picture of him. The other pictures we have are a few that the nurses gave us but I do not have them on the computer.

The following is a letter Brady wrote the night he was born:

Approximately 9 hours after receiving a life and body to reside in this mortal state, our little baby Kegan returned Home. Our loss has sent us through a whirlwind of emotions that have tested our physical and mental state, along with our religious beliefs. It is very hard to stay positive in a time like this. It really makes you think about the meaning of life and the marvelous plan our Heavenly Father has for us. Although we didn't get much time with him, we miss our son very much. We love him and truly feel his spirit with us. It may be a long road ahead, but we know we'll be with him again for all eternity. After being sealed together in the Chicago Temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Kelsey and I anxiously await the time we are able to embrace our first born. We know that he is a great soul; strong enough to withstand the devils snare placed upon this Earth, which is the reason his time on this Earth was so short. He was here long enough to receive a body so that he might be resurrected again one day. Kegan did not have to be tested and prove his loyalty and love for our Heavenly Father, for it was proven long ago. Instead he is a chosen spirit that will teach the mysteries of our Father above to those who have passed before us. What an amazing mission. My only hope is that Kelsey and I can be so strong as to make it to our judgement seat, look Heavenly Father in the eyes with a clear conscience, and say "I am Home." Kegan we look up to you. You are forever on our minds. We will never let down. We will never give up. We are so proud of you. We love you!

Your Parents,

Dad and Mom

1 comment:

Nathan & Rachael said...

Brady and Kelsey, you two are so amazing! Thanks for sharing your story.