The other day I had a HUGE desire to officially be done unpacking. I went and combined every tub that was left in our home and put it in the garage. As I was looking through one of them I found the hospital pictures of Kegan. I was totally shocked and upset that they were in a random spot!! I told Brady and we thought it would be nice to have them available to look at but not be displayed to see every day. I thought buying a photo album would be nice but there's less than 10 pictures total so it would be a waste of an entire album. So I put it in the back of my mind and went on.
Today I was looking for my sandals (it's 75 degrees out!!). I came across the memory box we have with everything of Kegan's. It has all the cards we received and items from the hospital...like the clothes he wore, bracelets, hats, things like that. AND then there was a little scrapbook Brady's Aunt Lynell made for him!!! I was so excited and brought everything in to put it together. There's not enough pictures to fill it up but we do have pictures of his head stone and little things that I can put in there and maybe even some cards. Oh it's so exciting to finally be able to have something of Kegan to look at that will be easily available to look at.
It's amazing to me how much I miss him when I only got to hold him once. I never had the chance to get to know him very well...so how can I miss him so much?
The other day I felt down and couldn't figure out why I felt so sad. I felt like something was missing. Going to bed that night I realized that I had the strongest desire to hold my sweet boy and give him little kisses. I was missing him more that day. Of course the pain is less often and not nearly as painful but it is becoming a different kind of hard. Brady and I were talking about how now that we have Cooper we are realizing what we would be (will eventually be) experiencing with Kegan.
Now I'm pregnant with another sweet boy and we try and vision how it would be with 3 toddler boys running around the house! I just can't imagine 3 BOYS AND BRADY!! haha It'd be crazy and wild (not that it already isn't)!!